The subject for this post was brewing in my mind for quite sometime now and what I present here is followed after a discussion with many subjects, most of them are women.
Why do women marry? or for that matter men?
To just provide an objective picture, I would share some data as well.
I surveyed around 30+ people in the age group 25 to 55 and I asked them the same question - Why did you marry and in case you are still not married, why do you think you should marry?
I would also talk a bit about the demographics. Out of those 30 odd people almost 60% were women and 3 women were homemakers. Out of the men I have interviewed, all of them were below 40 and each one of them was earning. The men and women were all city dwellers and around 70% were married and 30% unmarried.
Now, something very interesting came up in my research.
Men usually said it in more or less the same terms - they needed someone to share their life with, to find support in a partner - physical as well as mental and in some cases it was to extend their family, continue their legacy as well.
In contrast to this, responses from women were much more interesting. Most of them married because they had to (60% of all women interviewed), some of them married because they were afraid they would grow old alone, some of them needed companionship and some needed an institution to legalize sex. Well, these responses are much more varied than the responses given by men which hovered around the romantic associations of a marriage.
Now, let us analyze these responses one by one. Men said they needed companionship - does this mean they value companionship above everything else including sex. I doubt (am a woman - this skepticism is acceptable ). Infact, one of the men responded merrily - I was having sex anyways. Why would I marry just for it? Does this mean men are more flirtatious and have casual sex than women? Probably yes or probably not. It might also be reflecting the way our social fabric is woven - A man even though might not be indulging in casual sex but it is more acceptable for him if he chooses to do so. Whereas, women more often than not needed commitment in the form of marriage from the person they have sex with. Exception exist but that is not the normal course of action a woman takes. Hence, it is important for woman to marry to have the PERMIT for sex with her husband.
Men romanticized the idea of marriage more than women. Does this mean they are softer in heart than they actually show? Might be.... But one thing is clear, lesser men marry because they had to. They were not under extreme pressure as were some women I interviewed to get married or rather in normal language 'SETTLED'. Many of the men did marry coz their friends got married and they couldn't find a person to go out with on weekends. It was loneliness which drove them rather than love or some kind of high, lofty ideas.
One thing I found common across both genders - they both were afraid of being lonely. Women more so but even men had insecurities. I can safely say that rather than some lofty, grand ideas of marriage, its practical necessity to have someone share your life with and getting social sanction while doing the same, was the main reason behind most of the people deciding to get married. Now, whether they have achieved what they expected from this new chapter in their lives, is a matter for another post. Keep looking out for more.
