Violence against Women - Is it Dark ages we live in?

The 23-year old girl still battles for her life while Police is trying to catch all the perpetrators of committing the heinous crime of raping and assaulting her. India is outrages, facebook, twitter, newspapers, news channel - all are equivocally asking government to bring some justice and I am left wondering - Is this a dark age for us women? How safe are we as a human being? Forget rights to education or right to have a choice of career - do we even have rights to stay safe in our own backyards - a basic right to live with dignity?

Some people are calling those rapists as psychopaths. I ask - where they a psychopaths before or after committing rape? How do we know who is going to be the next attacker? How do we protect ourselves against all such gruesome acts?


Government representatives supposedly visited the girl still hanging between life and death. She would have never even imagined that she would have to go through such horrors to gain government attention. And there are annually 50000 of us, being raped and murdered in many cases. What have we become? A savage society ruled by beasts with no rational thought ? What do these rapist think or rather don't? Why do they do it - Just to teach a girl a lesson? Lesson about what? about being born as a woman? No wonder infanticide and foeticide are on rise in this nation. If I know that my daughter would have to go through such kind of situations in life, I would prefer not giving birth to her than letting her live a life of such atrocities. And am not being Anti-woman here.. I simply do not wish my daughter to face the trauma or tragedy of being born in today's world where she might get raped, molested, assaulted, discriminated against and finally murdered. What for?

Shock is giving way to Anger and desperation that we women feel... a question lurking within us - what if we are the next victim. No man can ever feel this - the perpetual fear of being the next victim of darkness within men. No man can feel the necessity to be on our guard 24x7. It's too much for us to handle.

Longing

Golden expanse lay ahead
Shimmering in the afternoon sun
A raising Sandstorm claiming the horizon
Dunes shifting like tresses undone


The haze of uncertainty was so evident

A grain of sand in eyes

Happiness

Happiness is such a relative term. If you are sad and you find some occasion to feel upbeat, you think you are happy. If you are already happy, it means such feeling should last longer and should be felt stronger. All we want is to have happiness in our lives, forever. Have we ever thought what is happiness... What are the things that make us happy, what are the things that we think make us happy but in reality have no play in it, and what are the things that do not make us happy at all.

Happiness is a state of our mind when we feel good about ourselves and about the things around us. It 

Washed Away..

The blue spread overlooked the gold below
And merged in patterns untold
A horizon indecipherable
Yet almost in your grasp

Charu

"What do you mean the flight has not yet taken off?", Charu with a frown on her face asked. A slightly pudgy figure with hair neatly combed off her broad forehead, a mother of a cute little girl of two, Charu was already exasperated with her own decision to board a morning flight to Egypt. It was 6:30 am and the flight was scheduled to depart at 8:50 am. She had woken up at 4, got her things tidy, spent some time with her mom before she leaves for a long time to a far away country.

Charu was married to Avinash, a well to do manager in The Savoy. He has been in Sharm-al-Sheikh, a beach town tourist destination in Egypt for last one and a half years. Charu was flying down to be with her husband after a long vacation in India. Neeli, her darling daughter was travelling along her and her first trip to meet her dad was not even dampened by a sudden seasonal fever she was suffering from. 

“Are you going to Cairo?”, a question greeted Charu while she was patiently waiting for her check in. She turned back to see a smiling face with a genuinely quizzical look. The girl looked pretty in plain teal color kurta and her carelessly made bun had more than few escaped strands. She was on the heavier side but her eyes had innocence. She might be a young woman in her late twenties, guessed Charu. “Yes”, she replied softly and bent down to wipe her daughter’s nose. 

“The flight has not left Cairo yet.”, announced a middle aged man. The girl gave an exasperated look mixed with disbelief and shrugged her shoulders. Charu was bewildered too. The man announced that the flight is way too much delayed and all passengers have been asked to go back if they could and come back at after three and a half hours. The young woman shook her head and headed straight to the check in counter to inquire the flight status. A handsome and smiling gentleman was standing near the counter and his mannerism suggested that he was in charge. She approached him and asked about the delay. He looked at her and smiled. She couldn’t help but reciprocate though she hardly felt any reason to smile. He informed that due to technical fault, flight from Cairo had not yet taken off and will do so in another fifteen minutes. Hence, the delay caused. “Can we check in our baggage and go?”, she asked. The man in charge replied that she would have to stay back if luggage is checked in.  Though she marvelled at unexpected start to her journey, she was too sleepy to protest. She tuned back to leave but suddenly looked back the incharge with concern and asked, "I will be missing my connecting flight to Istanbul. What will happen to that?". "Oh, there is another flight in the evening for Istanbul. You will be accommodated in that.", the person replied. She shrugged her shoulders and asked to be assisted in walking out of the airport. Another aircraft assistant helped her out of the terminal.

Charu saw the girl leave. She waited for sometime before approaching the person-in-charge. She asked softly, " When will the flight leave?". The person looked at her and seeing her with a kid, replied in a genuine tone, "Madam, we do not yet but flight is about to leave Cairo. It will take five hours for it to reach and will take an hour to turn it around. So check in should not happen before 11:30 AM. You can safely come at 11:30 and take the boarding pass. Your daughter will also get to sleep some more.". Charu smiled and turned. She called her father-in-law and informed him that she was coming outside. 

Airport assistant helped her with the trolley while she held Neeli. She was relieved as well as tensed. Now she would miss her connecting flight to Sharm-al-Sheikh for sure.  Her all apprehension evaporated seeing her darling daughter run to her grandpa and hug him. She thought to herself, "Good, I got some time to sleep now.".

Charu's mother-in-law, a lady in her early sixties was waiting for her at home. She took charge of Neeli and asked Charu to rest a while.  

Heaven

Raindrops are rolling down the window pane
I look out through the sheets of rain
The smell of wet earth envelops me
And I sigh

Green leaves of fir shake and quiver
with incessant raindrops dancing all over
I am mesmerized by this musical
And my heart joins in

I stand enchanted
Heart beating to the rhythm of the rain
All senses open up to the mystical
And soak up the wonder that is aroud

I sigh
This is heaven
A moment where I am alive
And so is the world with a heartbeat matching mine

Amsterdam : Fire Up!!

It is Amsterdam that reminds me of fire.. passion and life. And no, not just because of it being the sex and drugs capital of the world! (well to certain extent they do play a part ;)).

A visit to this city in Autumn is best explained with visuals as no word can compare.

How can you NOT think of Fire when those orange, yellow and red leaves blow around you. How can you NOT feel DEEP.. even if you are one not naturally inclined to.

How do you NOT feel the bliss!!

A walk in any lane of Amsterdam is sure to make you smile. Countless canals and bridges.. building overlooking and probably turned solid because of being narcissist (they deserve to be narcissist I will admit).

Of course you can never visit Amsterdam and NOT goto IAMSTERDAM sign. Its a place though crowded lies in between two of the best museums in the city.

Rijksmuseum is the biggest and best museum in town which showcases not just the art of Holland but of world over.

It has one of the largest collection of impressionist paintings that took the world by storm (atleast art world) in late 19th and early 20th Century.



It also houses one of the sexiest library I have seen. All book lovers are going to agree with the adjective to some degree atleast.



Not to mention it is the best showcase for Rembrandt, an artist brilliant.



Van Gogh Museum is is just across Rijksmuseum and is another side and sadly has NO PHOTOGRAPHY policy.

As I walked through the lanes of the city in warm sunlight (thanks to brilliant weather), I was amazed by how beautiful even wooden broken sliders looked. Probably it was to do with brilliant colors making me crazy :P.

One of the most noticeable thing as soon as you land in Amsterdam central is the Dam square. A short walk from the railway station (which has a beautiful building too), you land at a square which has Madam Tussad's museum on one side, Grand Palace on another and numerous cafes all around. The vibrancy and warmth of the place is unmatched (specially if you land there in afternoon when it is balmy)

If you decide to treat yourself with some "Shrooms", make sure you either do it in the Vondel Park or while roaming around the streets. You can either enjoy the beauty of nature magnified thousandfold or watch cobbled streets come to life with immensely rich foliage, sparkling canals and beautiful buildings.

I can hardly describe the beauty in Vondel Park. I found it to be the most beautiful place.. a serene getaway from all hustle and bustle right in the heartland of the city.

Another colorful place is stins flower market. You can buy all your souvenirs at the best prices all while enjoying gathering of flowers. (yeah all types of flowers ;))

Do not miss a canal ride (though it might bore you a bit) if you land at Amsterdam. Watching Amsterdam life go by from a different view point is surely a treat.

Last but not the least, enjoy yourself to the fullest while in the city. Be it Sex museum  or live sex show to tick off your bucket list or fun pub-crawls... or just enjoying your smoke by one of the numerous canals... I am sure you will find something that moves you.. that makes you marvel at the beauty all around. Architecture, art, performance, music, history, controversy.. you name it, this city has it. So taste the forbidden fruits of the world (well not so forbidden any more:P.. atleast not while you are in AMSTERDAM).

P.S. If you ever come to AMSTERDAM, listen to this while you soak in the feeling!! (Shout out to all retro music fan out there!!)

Unbearable lightness of being

The golden lights bathed me
In the warm heady shower of bliss
Oh yes.. I was alive and kicking
Was the only thought that crossed my mind

Of course it was not perfect
But who wants perfect at all
The pale blue sky could always be bluer
Sunshine could always be warmer

The houses were lined in a curvy line
Some with views beautiful
Some not so but who cares
When the crisp air surrounds you with feelings abound

I felt light as a leaf
Floating around with the gushes of air
Tentatively settling on the branch bent slight
And unbearably light became my being

Shaken not stirred

Here I am .. writing after a long long time. And yes, it is because I am yet again on an emotional roller coaster (I am sure by now everyone has seen the pattern).

It started off as just another vacation day. Took my own sweet time to wake up and move my "Tashreef ka Tokra" to the touristy spot in Brussels. A morning and afternoon well spent though a bit disappointing. Evening was not too frantic with timely arrival for the high speed train Thalys. A fast and comfortable ride from Brussels to Paris was sweetened when I found out that wifi was freely available on train. A small journey of 1.5 hours was mainly spent connecting with friends and family over skype/ watsapp.

I couldn't have asked for a better day when my host at airbnb in Paris told me that his friend will come and pick me up from the railway station. I was thankful and impressed by the hospitality.

But things started to go wrong as soon as I got down the train. I tried contacting my host's friend but without success. Even the host was unable to contact him. Exasperated he asked me to take a metro to the address I was supposed to stay at. After quite a few anxious minutes (the main metro line had some accident and hence was having trouble), I somehow managed to board a metro on orange line from Garu De Nord (Paris Nord). I was supposed to change to Deep Blue line at Barbes-Rochechouart and then at Place De Clichy change to Light Blue line.

It was business as usual at Barbes- Rochechouart when I got down. Oh boy I didn't know what exactly was business as usual. While changing the lines, I was trying to read up the station name properly (Paris has such unpronounceable names even of it's stations) while I got on the escalator. I somehow pulled my suitcase over the narrow (single person width) escalator and as soon as I straightened up, a guy in a grey hoodie rushed past me while snatching my phone. I shouted loud and some of the passengers shouted as well.. but I was up ahead on the escalator. With a heavy suitcase blocking my way, I could not even rush down and run after the guy. I can not describe the sinking feeling I felt in those moments.

Suddenly the darkness (it was around 7:45 PM only) was pressing against me. Every passerby was a suspect.. out there to harm me. Those moments when I felt vulnerable and in danger can not be expressed in words. For few seconds I was in shock.. totally blank. For once I thought I should continue my journey and reach safety (read my host) as soon as possible. But the next second I decided I have to reach out to Police.

A country where I have just landed, throws its darkness at me and all I could think was - I need to fight back.. I have to keep my head. I was scared.. very scared. Suddenly every face looked harsh.. every look seemed creepy. I immediately came out of the station.

Without my phone, I could no longer connect with my host. In the big city of Paris, for once I was totally alone. I asked for directions to the nearest police station and chugged my luggage along. The sound of the wheels of my suitcase on concrete was too loud for my senses. My purse which I was clutching very tightly felt like the sole protection against big bad world. Never have I felt this vulnerable.

Police station was not too far off. I reached the station and almost mumbled everything to the two police officers standing at the door (police station was cordoned off and looked almost closed). One of the younger police officer (a mere boy of 20), could speak better English and tried to understand my situation. Thankfully I was carrying the print out of address and phone number of my host. The officer called my host and appraised him of entire situation. Since my host was at work, he requested the officer to book a cab for me. I also requested the same (I wanted to reach safety as soon as possible.. no matter the cost).

The officer booked the cab and while I was waiting for the cab, the two good souls (both police officers - the boy and a lady) tried to cheer me up. They did mention that the neighbourhood was bad and snatching was a common occurrence. I could only imagine a place that even Paris Police admitted to be notorious.

I could feel myself shaking all over. Once.. I was almost on the verge of tears. The feeling of helplessness and being alone in a big bad city had started to hit me in waves. I almost started to question my decision to visit Paris alone. Again, these two amazing Police officer came to my help. They ensured that while waiting for the Cab, I was not left on my own. The younger officer cracked jokes while both tried teaching me phrases in French. They even asked my age and the younger officer guessed it to be 17. I did manage to squeeze some genuine laughs with this new found company. I couldn't have been more thankful.

In the meantime, another police van stopped by the station and out came 3 criminals in handcuffs. I was once again terrified. When one of the guy stared at me while entering the police station, a chill ran down my spine. I could imagine every worst thing happening to me all at once.

The two police officers told me the process of filing a theft report the next day while waiting with me for the cab. Once the cab came over, they confirmed taxi fare and ensured that the driver understood the directions. With a warm wave, I bid those two unforgettable heroes farewell. They are my heroes as they made me feel comfortable and made me smile when it was almost impossible for me.

Story was not yet over by the way. The driver almost reached the location as indicated by his GPS but we were unable to locate the right building. I requested him to call the host which he did. Some conversation happened between then in French and my host told me how to enter the building.  The driver conveyed that he had understood the exact place and brought me to a building which had the wrong number. I was confused, terrified and exposed at the lane which looked darker to me than it probably was. The driver took my luggage off and asked for his fare. I insisted on not paying him till I find the building. Exasperated he tried finding the right one but guided me to a building which was on other side of the correct building. He forced me to pay him off and left me at 9:30 PM with no means of calling anyone in a lane which didn't have any person.

Thankfully, I heard a woman talking in another wing and when I reached there, I realised that I had reached the correct building. Relieved I rang the bell and received a positive response. Fortunately, the host's friend came down to receive me and I was spared further anxiety.

Finally I am here .. a bit calmer.. trying to pen down my thoughts and experience .. all the while trying to push scary feeling away. Somehow I am much in control of my emotions. I have realised one thing - tough and trying times bring out the stronger person in me. I was on the verge of break down couple of times throughout the evening.. but somehow found that strength to push on.. just a bit farther. I was definitely shaken.. but stirred I was not.

The Second Day in Paris:
Second Day in Paris started off with another incident. I decided to carry a knapsack around as had to buy a temporary phone and had to go to the Police station. My new found friend volunteered to accompany me as he wanted to help me settle in. We found a phone store nearby and all was OK again. Atleast I felt so for sometime. As soon as I got inside the metro, I found myself in a crowded area with people jostling all around. In the crowd I felt someone too close from behind. When I looked back, there was a lady who was trying to squeeze herself between the wall and me. She just passed me by. Immediately another lady mentioned that the lady who just passed me was a pickpocket and to my horror I saw chains of my knapsack halfway down. To my immediate relief, nothing was missing. I had covered my wallet (deep inside my bag) with my scarf and probably that did the trick. The pick pocket was not able to find my wallet. I was yet again rattled. I couldn't believe it was happening to me again. A sense of despair started to clutch me again. My company was a relief in such a situation. He comforted me as well as started to be more careful around me. The trip to police station turned out to be a waste as they did not file the complain but stamped a copy of the FIR and asked to me submit it to Indian embassy. When I contacted Indian embassy, the person on the other side clearly told me that even if I submit the report, they cannot do anything about it. It's a police matter and I should give up on my phone or any hope of getting it back.

Since now there was no point in wasting my time trying to reach embassy on time, we decided to see Sacre Coeur or Sacred Heart Basilica. My new found friend took me around the area and for once I forgot what I had faced till now and couldn't help but wonder at beauty of Paris.

Once I was back to my guest house, my host and his friend shared a nice warm dinner with me over few hours of talks. They also helped me plan my next couple of days with tips about how to be safe in the city. Hope to have a great day tomorrow and not to see the ugly side of Paris.

बंजर

सफर ये कैसा था
शायद लंबा सा और थोड़ा टेढ़ा सा
या छोटा सा लेकिन तनहा सा
कभी रास्ते ऊपर नीचे थे
कभी दूर तक मीलों सपाट
उन रास्तों पर थे तुम कभी
एक अचानक से मोड़ पर
जैसे खड़े हो चलने के लिए
और मैं चली थी तुम्हारे इंतज़ार में

आँखों ने सपने जो कभी बुने नहीं 

उनको उंगलियों के पोरों से उधेड़ा 

मोम के पंख पर सवार हो 

सूरज को पकड़ने उड़ान भरी 

जवाब माँगना तो था लेकिन 

सवालों का सन्नाटा भारी पड़ गया 

तुम्हारी आँखों में शिकायत तो नहीं थी 

क्योंकर कड़वापन सीने में उतर गया 

अश्क़ों का गीलापन दिल बंजर कर गया 

Proud

Eyes held those dreams
Of innocence and of magic
Belief was strong within
Someday..

A new dawn with promises many
Ah so naive
Laughter and mirth all around
Some tears in corner ignored

On went twin of hope and despair
Hand in hand
Illusion of reality
And reality of illusions

Couldnt see cracks in the mirror held
Blinded by the immeasurable faith
Vanity sought confirmation
And there it was.. a sounding one

The loudness was deafening
In the silence that followed
A rude awakening ushered
Engulfing the very soul

Proud it was of its reflection
Shining No more
cracks spread till nothing else was left
And it shattered

Stop

When did your loving whispers stopped
That used to make me smile
When did your eyes stopped following me
That used to me make me blush
When did the laughter stopped
And made ways for tears
When did we stop talking
And started drowning in deafening silence
When did you stop loving me
And I stopped believing you ever did

White Moustache

"Taxi..Taxi", shouted Nilu at a yello-black taxi which almost ran over her. It was early Friday evening and she was in a hurry to get a taxi before it was too crowded to find one. "It's getting harder to catch a Taxi everyday.. ", she muttered to herself while wiping sweat off her eyebrows.

A plain jane, Nilu, was an engineer, like millions of youngsters in the country. She had shifted from Gorakhpur, a small Tier 3 city in Uttar Pradesh to Mumbai - a city of dreams or so it was called. She was still confused about what her dreams were.. let alone achieve them. She was a creative yet confused soul. She liked her job but wanted to do so many things at the same time. She wanted to be a chef, a nomad, a writer, a high flying corporate manager.. all rolled into one.. all this while struggling with tough realities of life in Mumbai.

Friday evening meant fun. The city though trains you hard, provides you with occasional relief in the form of friends… people who form your virtual family in Mumbai, where it’s difficult to support your real one. Nilu was looking forward to the Friday night party at her friend’s place.. booze.. boys and some bitching.. things every young girl loves to indulge in.

It was 25^th of the month and the last beep on her mobile was a reminder of not so great balance in her account. “Five more days to go before I feel rich again..”, Nilu thought while waving her hand frantically at every cab – empty or full. Her pay was not great but it was sufficient for her to survive in the city. She counted her blessings every day when she saw countless people sleeping on the pavement on her early morning walks. Atleast she had a roof on her head though one which drained most of her income.

With her mind full of anticipation, irritation at the heat, anxiety and so much more, she almost collided with the taxi that stopped right infront of her. Without much ado, she opened the door and slid on the back seat. Once she closed the door, she looked at the driver who was patiently looking at her for directions. She saw a wrinkled old face with bright eyes staring at her. The white moustache was pointed, proud and sat gracefully on his face. A hand with thousand creases held the steering wheel while another gently rocked the gear. She exclaimed almost too loud, “Bandra, Uncle”.

The taxi driver-Uncle turned with a slight smile on his face and the taxi smoothly merged into the traffic. Nilu kept fanning herself till she could feel cool breeze on her face. Finally settled in the taxi, she looked absent-mindedly at the rear view mirror and saw hint of a smile beneath the flowing white moustache. Something in the eyes caught her attention and she was intrigued. For a change, she felt like talking to this unknown taxi-driver uncle.

“Since when are you driving in Mumbai Uncle?”, she asked, half expecting a vague answer. The old man replied with a slight crispness in his accent, “Long before you were even born beta, it was 1969.”. “Phew! That was really long ago”, exclaimed Nilu. “How old are you?”, she asked curiously. “I am 78, still strong and young”, replied the taxi-driver uncle with a warm voice. She almost laughed at the candid reply. Suddenly she felt a huge camaraderie with the old taxi driver. Here she was – a working woman in her late twenties, sharing a laugh and some innocent conversations with a 78 years old taxi driver who might as well be her grand-father.

“Wasn’t there very less traffic back in the days?”, she asked with utmost interest. She could imagine empty roads with couple of Fiats being driven at the mere speed of 40Kmph. “Don’t ask Beta, those were the days.. this entire area used to be almost empty. I stayed in a hut in the area nearby and there were no water or electricity or even proper lanes. This area was part of a hill. You had to go up and down to reach Borivili national park. We didn’t prefer picking up passengers plying beyond Bandra as didn’t use to get return fare. The meter started at 13 ps instead of 21 rs that you see now. It was so difficult to make even 50Rs per day. Used to get full tank of petrol in 20 Rs. Those were the days.. ahh”, the sentence ended up in almost a longing.

Nilu observed the man carefully, all the while listening to him. He was an old man, who wore a white crisp shirt frayed at the collar. Though he didn’t look very well to do, he did sound wise. She asked him about his home town and came to know that he was a native of a small village near Gorakhpur. In her imagination, she could already see his big family working in fields in a small village and waiting for his return during harvest. They talked for quite some time about growing inflation, traffic congestions, hardships of life and how difficult it was for a poor man to survive in the city. She even poured her heart out expressing frustration at not finding a decent home with reasonable rent after being asked by the landlord to vacate the house in a month. Taxi driver uncle had lent a sympathetic ear to her rants. Nilu’s heart filled with more and more sympathy for the old man who seemed to be quite lonely and struggling to manage a living by driving in this big city. She could read his struggle in the lines of his face. In her youth, she felt insulated from the harshness of time and yet she was experiencing it full on in the form of old taxi driver uncle.

She reached her destination and checked the meter. It read “80.00”. She took out a crisp 100 Rs note from her purse and said , “Keep the change uncle”. He looked her with a broad smile and said, “Thanks. It was nice talking to you Beta. It was anyways my only ride before I reach home. Oh by the way, if you need a flat or something let me know. I have 6-7 flats here in Mumbai“. He turned the car and swiftly lost himself in the ever growing traffic.

Dream On..

She walked into the doorway and stood for a while,
Her bright eyes searching
She did not know what it was or who she was looking for
Yet, proud and tall she stood.
Her feet were small but firm on the doorway,
Hard to fathom she was coming in or going away,
A silhouette of tenderness and strength
Her back to the storm raging outside..and In.
She could feel hopes rising and falling with every breath
Confidence in the image of her world waxing and waning
Did she want the world she was looking at.. or
Was it her dream she was trying to bring to life
Should she move in or just storm out.. battles within raging
She almost turned to leave..
She heard a tune.. a tune of rebellion
Stopped in her tracks by the unseen hand and unheard whisper
"You are not alone" is what she heard through the haze
Turning around she could see at far corner,
A man sitting near the bar.. looking intensely at her
His lips moving to the tune of life
Twinkle in his eyes she could see.. one she longed to see before
In that moment, the doorway vanished
His gaze holding her, and she breathed life
She could see her smile in his eyes, hear her whispers in his tune
Across the vast space, she could feel his hands on her's
And his arms holding her close

Promises were made in silence acceptance
Promises to be and to hold
To speak and to listen
To live and Dream On.....

Talks were drowned in deafening silence
Promises were broken without a second look
The gaze that held her and her dreams
Closed out and shattered the illusion

Blue Moon

Deep and dark are your secrets
Enfolding stories untold
Whispers and cries all entangled
Never in eternity to unfold

Lingering mist of night
Shroud of blackness abound
Darker by every passing shadow
As mysterious as Black Pearl running aground

You are Blue to the core
Yet surprisingly fleeting
Perhaps not willing to acknowledge
That you do not want hiding



Here you are alone
Is it blue still?
Shining over the horizon
Testimony to the unbroken will

You may say I am a dreamer

The morning that woke me up
With the caress of a lover
Gentle .. yet bold the touch of first rays
Awakening my senses out of the cover

You may say I am a dreamer
Yet my eyes could see it all
Drooped down to capture it
Before the moments could fall

The softness of the breeze against my skin
The sudden chill folding me in its arm
Moan escaped my lips
And dewdrops enchanted me with their charm

Warm smell of sunshine
Mixed with a heady scent of coffee
Warming my cold cold hands was

A hot cup of black liquid glossy

 Enraptured by the simple joys of life
I stood still... couldn't find a fault
A single drop of wetness touched them
And my lips tasted salt

What for?

Yes.. this is a question I always ask of myself and other.. What for? Why? The curious me is so hard to suppress :). 

Life is such a journey of self discovery.. atleast I learn one thing about myself on a daily basis which astonishes me... which I had never thought about.. which had not appealed to me earlier.. which I had never done before.. and I feel ... expanse.

I am unable to put these feelings into words but the possibility of a person is so limitless that it astonishes me. I wonder.. I feel like a kid for whom everything is a sight to behold.. a sense of wonder envelopes me when I look at anything or anyone... I feel immensely proud  to be a human being.. part of the the race which has achieved so much.. collectively.. I feel humble for being so ignorant that I do not know even 1% of what lies within this world.. I feel warm for being able to love people around me.. I feel strong for being able to defend my values.. I feel gratitude for being given this life which I wish to be deserving when I die.

"What for" is a question that is a huge part of my value. I might not have the capacity to understand all the answers but I am sure the answers are there. It always is.. it's just a matter of finding it. No action of mine is taken without this question.. I might be wrong in looking at the answer or deciphering it.. but I do not live by default.. That is how I choose to live.. no matter what the price.. and nothing gives me more satisfaction than getting something for which I have paid the price already.. feels deserving.

I know no two people share exact same set of values.. but there are people who understand this difference and respect it.. this again is a value. Those are the people I love.. I respect .. I admire.. I adore.. For me, love is not unconditional.. it is not without exchange of values and mutual respect.. I can not have a satisfying exchange with even a stranger unless we share some set of connection... I guess it is same for everyone.. though not many people identify it or accept it.

This post is so random in structure that probably only people who know me well enough will be able to connect the dots.. yes.. randomness is beautiful.. Life is beautiful.. Love is beautiful.. People are beautiful.. All you need is courage to never accept something without "What for". :)

Ephemeral

Open your eyes to the carpet of green

To the dews clinging with hope and sublime
To the birds songs that carries through the wind
To the smell of a new morning through time

It is nothing but Ethereal..
To the soul that despairs
To the eyes which can't see beyond
To the heart which aches

Open up sweetheart.. Open your soul
Drink your fill of love and hope
Coz nothing can be more ephemeral
Live up all the while..

My Love

The feeling grows in me
Like a child taking shape
In the womb of my desires
Decorated in sublime drape
Its the feeling of love and warmth
I feel for my existence true
The existence which is defined
by us and not I or you
The feeling is all encomapssing
And Love grows around us
The beauty of sunshine after winter
and sweet nothings melting in hush
I love you my love
Is the only thing I can say
and not to just you baby
For the world, Its now the only way