I returned to the plains of Ganges, to the place I was born after a long time. It was a misty cold day.. and we left early in the morning. Yes, it was one of the hundreds of trip to Muzaffarpur, a sleepy small town in Bihar, from Patna - the capital of Bihar. Still, this one was very different as I was going through this route after a long long time and that too by a private bus.
The day started early with my mother, uncle and I getting ready for the small journey at day break. I expected us to go in uncle's car and only realized that we would rather be going on a bus when we crossed the garage, crossed the lane where I was staying and moved to the main road for taking an auto. I decided to enjoy the trip as it made me nostalgic about the times when we used public transport in lieu of our private vehicles many many years ago.
The weather was cold. Since I was a bit underprepared for the open bus and auto ride, I wrapped my shawl tightly around myself.. ready to face the cold winds. We reached 'Gai Ghaat', a place near the bank of ganges from where the buses for Muzaffarpur start. To my discomfort, while climbing down the auto I realized the floor of the auto was not less than 2.5 feet above the ground. Rather than finding a footing for myself while getting down, I found my feet falling towards greater depth and almost stumbled and bumped my head in the process as well. Well.. so much for the start of an amazing journey.
As soon as we climbed the stairs to the bridge across Ganga, we found a 'Video Coach' waiting to leave for our destination. But to our disappointment, the seats were all full and there was enough place for only one person to sit. We decided to wait for the next bus which was by the way no where in sight. While we were still mulling over us being late, the conductor yelled at us 'Aa jaiye, du tho seat aur hai.. bus tanik kasht hoga bench pe baithne mein' - translated as -'Come here, two seats are available, just that it will be a bit tough to sit on the bench'.
'Bench'?? My mind raced - how come a 'bhideo coach' had bench instead of normal seats. The conductor was perceptive enough to see my confusion and clarified -'We have put a bench in the aisle. Once the bus starts, it will only stop in Muzaffarpur. So, you two women can sit on the bench'. WHAT?? An almost 2 hour journey on a bench in a crammed space?? Heck - Why not??
My adventurous spirit was excited - wow - an experience of a lifetime is what you will get. Do not let this opportunity pass and I asked my mom and uncle to board the 'Bhideo coach' with a bench.
We were the last people to board the bus and to my horror and amazement, the bench occupied almost the whole width of the aisle. There was hardly any space to even put your legs. I decided to mount it by keeping my two legs at both sides where as my mom sat gingerly and uncomfortable with both the legs on the same side.
The bus started its journey from the 'Gai Ghat' bus stand on Mahatma Gandhi Setu. The bumps that we felt in next five minutes are worthy of hours on camels or horses or on even jeeps plying on roads with only potholes as the sole feature. And every time the bus jumped, our bench moved an extra inch in both sideways and upward direction. That was PAINFUL but exhilarating.
Seeing the plight of two women, a young and another one old, few generous men asked us to come to the comforts of back seats and took our places on that rickety bench. We initially refused but they insisted -'Ladhiej logon ko kasht ho raha hai, hum kaise aaram se baith sakte hain'. I was touched by their genuine concern. We exchanged seats and now my mom and I were seated in 5 seater with 7 people on it. But the cold made it bearable and we did not mind the crammed seatings.
We crossed the Ganges in the mean time. It is still as beautiful as I remember it from my childhood - Vast, serene, hazy in the distance, bending into beautiful curves like a belly dancer. I was mesmerized by the width of the Ganges. Its water was overflowing and the river looked like a part of horizon itself. No wonder, it is a revered river in India. The feelings it evokes can only be felt in the presence of something holy.
The MG bridge is one of the longest bridge in India. Infact it is the longest bridge in India on a river. Crossing the Ganges, we reached Hajipur - a place very famous for its banana. I am yet to taste a banana more filling and sweet as the 'petbharua kela' of hajipur or as tasty as 'Harichhal kela'.
While crossing Hajipur, I was my chattery self. I was amazed at the progress that has happened in the area in recent years. Nitish Kumar has surely brought a lot of changes in Bihar, and it was very apparent from the state of the road connecting Muzaffarpur and Patna that he has delivered on his promise to a great extent. I started talking to my mom about the way Nitish Kumar has earned respect from not only biharis in and out of bihar but also all over the country. Two people joined me in my talks and expressed their views on politics, bihar, Lalu, Nitish and the current state of things.
There was one thing clear to me - Politics evokes great emotions in the people of bihar and now they are ready to accept and vote for a leader who can work for them and not just uses them. All the men around me had huge respect for the current CM of Bihar and they were full of hope that they will see their motherland progress a great deal in years to come. I liked their energy, their passion and love for their land. I felt at home - with my own people. I only realized that I was as involved as the men sitting beside me, when the conductor informed we have reached Ramdayalu, the bus stop where we had to get down. It was hard to believe that a journey of one and a half hour was over and it seemed not even half an hour to me.
I bade farewell to the two gentlemen and thanked them for discussing their views with us. It was very refreshing to come back to my soil, my people. I was finally HOME.. a child with dreams and hope twinkling again in her eyes.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Verdict
Finally its declared that on 30th September, 2010, special bench of Lucknow High Court will finally give the verdict on Ayodhya dispute. Media channels are trying their best to sensationalize the news and people are lapping up the spicy details.
Some facts about the dispute:
1. Start: Supposedly it started the day Babar constructed a mosque at the site. There is no evidence of a dispute back then
2. Modern times : As early as the second half of 19th century, the dispute between two communities erupted again.
3. In 20th century, this issue was used to gain political edge by different parties and thousands of people were sacrificed at the altar of politics and none of the so called leaders had a tear to spare.
Few questions are there which have bothered me since I was a child and was quite ignorant of the politics involved and could only see the repercussion.
A. Are we so inhuman that for us a religious place is more important than thousand lives?
B. Are we such idiots who do not realize even after decades that this is not about religion at all but about some vested interests getting mileage out of of this issue? ( I still remember being proud of the fact that was taught to me in school - All religions are good, God is One and no religion encourages violence)
C. Isn't it all worth being ashamed of?
When communal peace is disturbed, I feel ashamed of both the parties involved... coz I feel insulted by the fact that we call ourselves intelligent and yet fall party to such violence. NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING justifies killing or hurting someone unless for self defense.
When the court is about to deliver a long pending judgment, I see signs of nervousness around me. People are suddenly talking in whispers and are having suspicious looks. No one wants a repeat of '92 riots or any other kind of clashes. We are suddenly so afraid of the verdict that somehow it feels ironic to me.. a verdict is supposed to bring justice, make people believe in a system which will give them a fair deal.. and we are afraid of that.. Really how far we have come along the path of self destruction.
I do not know how things will turn out after 2 days but as of this day, I am sad and hurt .. of the fact that today we have started distrusting the people we have lived all our lives with.
Some facts about the dispute:
1. Start: Supposedly it started the day Babar constructed a mosque at the site. There is no evidence of a dispute back then
2. Modern times : As early as the second half of 19th century, the dispute between two communities erupted again.
3. In 20th century, this issue was used to gain political edge by different parties and thousands of people were sacrificed at the altar of politics and none of the so called leaders had a tear to spare.
Few questions are there which have bothered me since I was a child and was quite ignorant of the politics involved and could only see the repercussion.
A. Are we so inhuman that for us a religious place is more important than thousand lives?
B. Are we such idiots who do not realize even after decades that this is not about religion at all but about some vested interests getting mileage out of of this issue? ( I still remember being proud of the fact that was taught to me in school - All religions are good, God is One and no religion encourages violence)
C. Isn't it all worth being ashamed of?
When communal peace is disturbed, I feel ashamed of both the parties involved... coz I feel insulted by the fact that we call ourselves intelligent and yet fall party to such violence. NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING justifies killing or hurting someone unless for self defense.
When the court is about to deliver a long pending judgment, I see signs of nervousness around me. People are suddenly talking in whispers and are having suspicious looks. No one wants a repeat of '92 riots or any other kind of clashes. We are suddenly so afraid of the verdict that somehow it feels ironic to me.. a verdict is supposed to bring justice, make people believe in a system which will give them a fair deal.. and we are afraid of that.. Really how far we have come along the path of self destruction.
I do not know how things will turn out after 2 days but as of this day, I am sad and hurt .. of the fact that today we have started distrusting the people we have lived all our lives with.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Marraiges made in heaven.. but lived on earth
The subject for this post was brewing in my mind for quite sometime now and what I present here is followed after a discussion with many subjects, most of them are women.
Why do women marry? or for that matter men?
To just provide an objective picture, I would share some data as well.
I surveyed around 30+ people in the age group 25 to 55 and I asked them the same question - Why did you marry and in case you are still not married, why do you think you should marry?
I would also talk a bit about the demographics. Out of those 30 odd people almost 60% were women and 3 women were homemakers. Out of the men I have interviewed, all of them were below 40 and each one of them was earning. The men and women were all city dwellers and around 70% were married and 30% unmarried.
Now, something very interesting came up in my research.
Men usually said it in more or less the same terms - they needed someone to share their life with, to find support in a partner - physical as well as mental and in some cases it was to extend their family, continue their legacy as well.
In contrast to this, responses from women were much more interesting. Most of them married because they had to (60% of all women interviewed), some of them married because they were afraid they would grow old alone, some of them needed companionship and some needed an institution to legalize sex. Well, these responses are much more varied than the responses given by men which hovered around the romantic associations of a marriage.
Now, let us analyze these responses one by one. Men said they needed companionship - does this mean they value companionship above everything else including sex. I doubt (am a woman - this skepticism is acceptable ). Infact, one of the men responded merrily - I was having sex anyways. Why would I marry just for it? Does this mean men are more flirtatious and have casual sex than women? Probably yes or probably not. It might also be reflecting the way our social fabric is woven - A man even though might not be indulging in casual sex but it is more acceptable for him if he chooses to do so. Whereas, women more often than not needed commitment in the form of marriage from the person they have sex with. Exception exist but that is not the normal course of action a woman takes. Hence, it is important for woman to marry to have the PERMIT for sex with her husband.
Men romanticized the idea of marriage more than women. Does this mean they are softer in heart than they actually show? Might be.... But one thing is clear, lesser men marry because they had to. They were not under extreme pressure as were some women I interviewed to get married or rather in normal language 'SETTLED'. Many of the men did marry coz their friends got married and they couldn't find a person to go out with on weekends. It was loneliness which drove them rather than love or some kind of high, lofty ideas.
One thing I found common across both genders - they both were afraid of being lonely. Women more so but even men had insecurities. I can safely say that rather than some lofty, grand ideas of marriage, its practical necessity to have someone share your life with and getting social sanction while doing the same, was the main reason behind most of the people deciding to get married. Now, whether they have achieved what they expected from this new chapter in their lives, is a matter for another post. Keep looking out for more.
Why do women marry? or for that matter men?
To just provide an objective picture, I would share some data as well.
I surveyed around 30+ people in the age group 25 to 55 and I asked them the same question - Why did you marry and in case you are still not married, why do you think you should marry?
I would also talk a bit about the demographics. Out of those 30 odd people almost 60% were women and 3 women were homemakers. Out of the men I have interviewed, all of them were below 40 and each one of them was earning. The men and women were all city dwellers and around 70% were married and 30% unmarried.
Now, something very interesting came up in my research.
Men usually said it in more or less the same terms - they needed someone to share their life with, to find support in a partner - physical as well as mental and in some cases it was to extend their family, continue their legacy as well.
In contrast to this, responses from women were much more interesting. Most of them married because they had to (60% of all women interviewed), some of them married because they were afraid they would grow old alone, some of them needed companionship and some needed an institution to legalize sex. Well, these responses are much more varied than the responses given by men which hovered around the romantic associations of a marriage.
Now, let us analyze these responses one by one. Men said they needed companionship - does this mean they value companionship above everything else including sex. I doubt (am a woman - this skepticism is acceptable ). Infact, one of the men responded merrily - I was having sex anyways. Why would I marry just for it? Does this mean men are more flirtatious and have casual sex than women? Probably yes or probably not. It might also be reflecting the way our social fabric is woven - A man even though might not be indulging in casual sex but it is more acceptable for him if he chooses to do so. Whereas, women more often than not needed commitment in the form of marriage from the person they have sex with. Exception exist but that is not the normal course of action a woman takes. Hence, it is important for woman to marry to have the PERMIT for sex with her husband.
Men romanticized the idea of marriage more than women. Does this mean they are softer in heart than they actually show? Might be.... But one thing is clear, lesser men marry because they had to. They were not under extreme pressure as were some women I interviewed to get married or rather in normal language 'SETTLED'. Many of the men did marry coz their friends got married and they couldn't find a person to go out with on weekends. It was loneliness which drove them rather than love or some kind of high, lofty ideas.
One thing I found common across both genders - they both were afraid of being lonely. Women more so but even men had insecurities. I can safely say that rather than some lofty, grand ideas of marriage, its practical necessity to have someone share your life with and getting social sanction while doing the same, was the main reason behind most of the people deciding to get married. Now, whether they have achieved what they expected from this new chapter in their lives, is a matter for another post. Keep looking out for more.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Agree to Disagree
"We agree to disagree with each other." How many people do you find with this attitude? Atleast I am not lucky in this respect, I admit.
This is one thought am dwelling upon these days. I have observed people from different strata of society and found this as common - their unwillingness to experiment with disagreement. It is very easy to agree with someone but to disagree, you not only need conviction in your beliefs but also a healthy respect for every other beliefs, however diverging those can be from the ones u hold dear.
I have found myself disagreeing with people on the disagreement issue lately. Somehow, I find this limitation for our own intellectual growth and when I tell it to people, they get offended. We take everything so personally. If I tell someone I do not appreciate some part of a movie and am perfectly OK if someone else finds it awesomely awesome, I am considered as a person who has challenged some kind of collective wits. I really don't know what the fuss is all about. I very well am entitled to have my own opinions and am willing to agree for a disagreement. Then why do people consider it a case of treading out of the line.
They do accept your disagreement under two conditions : 1. U are in an authoritative position and they can not AFFORD to disagree with u (this is an assumption they have). 2. They just do not want to get on ur wrong side ( you are perceived as a fierce person). 3. They do not have the time or energy to pursue the disagreement ( I know this is the 3rd one even when I mentioned there are only two conditions. So what!! Live with it :) )
Belonging to a culture which is very adaptive, coming from Indian, this resistance is somewhat surprising for me. Well, I can attribute our innate sense to agree mostly to our non-conflicting attitude. But then what might be the reason for being so defensive or possessive against non-confirmation? Aren't we being the opposite of what we set out to achieve in the very first place? I find this a paradox which is so very evident yet, unchallenged. And yeah am getting a kick out of challenging it :) .. me the restless soul :).. me the rebel :).
This is one thought am dwelling upon these days. I have observed people from different strata of society and found this as common - their unwillingness to experiment with disagreement. It is very easy to agree with someone but to disagree, you not only need conviction in your beliefs but also a healthy respect for every other beliefs, however diverging those can be from the ones u hold dear.
I have found myself disagreeing with people on the disagreement issue lately. Somehow, I find this limitation for our own intellectual growth and when I tell it to people, they get offended. We take everything so personally. If I tell someone I do not appreciate some part of a movie and am perfectly OK if someone else finds it awesomely awesome, I am considered as a person who has challenged some kind of collective wits. I really don't know what the fuss is all about. I very well am entitled to have my own opinions and am willing to agree for a disagreement. Then why do people consider it a case of treading out of the line.
They do accept your disagreement under two conditions : 1. U are in an authoritative position and they can not AFFORD to disagree with u (this is an assumption they have). 2. They just do not want to get on ur wrong side ( you are perceived as a fierce person). 3. They do not have the time or energy to pursue the disagreement ( I know this is the 3rd one even when I mentioned there are only two conditions. So what!! Live with it :) )
Belonging to a culture which is very adaptive, coming from Indian, this resistance is somewhat surprising for me. Well, I can attribute our innate sense to agree mostly to our non-conflicting attitude. But then what might be the reason for being so defensive or possessive against non-confirmation? Aren't we being the opposite of what we set out to achieve in the very first place? I find this a paradox which is so very evident yet, unchallenged. And yeah am getting a kick out of challenging it :) .. me the restless soul :).. me the rebel :).
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Where Dream merges into reality - Inception personified
Dreams and Reality are separated by a thin line of consciousness. The debate that goes on in everyone's mind is - Are we living our dreams or is it a reality. Our thoughts and actions if define us, then aren't all of us dreaming.. as its our dreams which are thoughts translated into tangible forms. Am i going obtruse? May be or may be not.. who knows other than my innermost thought and consciousness. The point is - can I or someone else can be consciously a part of my subconscious mind?
Christopher Nolan did a wonderful job in confirming one view of mine - he gave a canvas to something I found too weird to even express it to someone. I had so many deja-vu s in life that somehow I had no other choice but to attribute each one of those to some dream of mine. If answering honestly, yes - I do dream about some future event. I do not know how and why but it has happened more than once and I can no longer attribute it to my fancy. Dreams into dreams is a reality for me.. I have woken up in my dreams to find out that I need to wake up once again to be back to life. I do not remember most of the events that happen in those dreams - not even my immediate dream but I get this vague feeling that things are changed.
Seems like am repeating the concept of Inception - but no, this is my reality and it existed much before CN even came into movie making. I have solved numerous complex mathematics problems in my dream, learnt how to ride a bicycle and knew the solutions to more complex emotional issues after a dreamy sleep. Yes, even today I sleep over issues am not able to solve and I know I will know the answers when I get up. This is my subconscious working while am sleeping physically. I dream about a reality and it manifests itself into the real world. I do get inspired by my dreams.. I get pained by them..
Inception made me question one thing - are my dreams real or are they my subconscious response to all my perceptions. Do they move in a random order or is there some architect who has designed my dream for me? Is there an alternate reality within my dreams? Why do some of the times I know whats going to happen next because I have seen the action take part years or days ago in my dream? I do not have answers to these - I do not believe I have any kind of psychic power. I do not even know whether it happens to most of the people or am I one of the few.
Well... I think about it right now and the only thing I can conclude is : I do not understand it and I do not even want to. This weirdness is a part of me and that's it. No more conscious dwelling on the issue.. "Inception is for real or not" :)
Christopher Nolan did a wonderful job in confirming one view of mine - he gave a canvas to something I found too weird to even express it to someone. I had so many deja-vu s in life that somehow I had no other choice but to attribute each one of those to some dream of mine. If answering honestly, yes - I do dream about some future event. I do not know how and why but it has happened more than once and I can no longer attribute it to my fancy. Dreams into dreams is a reality for me.. I have woken up in my dreams to find out that I need to wake up once again to be back to life. I do not remember most of the events that happen in those dreams - not even my immediate dream but I get this vague feeling that things are changed.
Seems like am repeating the concept of Inception - but no, this is my reality and it existed much before CN even came into movie making. I have solved numerous complex mathematics problems in my dream, learnt how to ride a bicycle and knew the solutions to more complex emotional issues after a dreamy sleep. Yes, even today I sleep over issues am not able to solve and I know I will know the answers when I get up. This is my subconscious working while am sleeping physically. I dream about a reality and it manifests itself into the real world. I do get inspired by my dreams.. I get pained by them..
Inception made me question one thing - are my dreams real or are they my subconscious response to all my perceptions. Do they move in a random order or is there some architect who has designed my dream for me? Is there an alternate reality within my dreams? Why do some of the times I know whats going to happen next because I have seen the action take part years or days ago in my dream? I do not have answers to these - I do not believe I have any kind of psychic power. I do not even know whether it happens to most of the people or am I one of the few.
Well... I think about it right now and the only thing I can conclude is : I do not understand it and I do not even want to. This weirdness is a part of me and that's it. No more conscious dwelling on the issue.. "Inception is for real or not" :)
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